Gone To Soon.....(private post please respect)

This is an EXTREMELY PERSONAL POST that Landon and I have decided to share with our friends and family. We would like to keep this somewhat private and we feel like we are really going out on a limb with sharing something so personal. Please do not “share”, borrow, or re post this journal entry and pictures.

I’ve struggled for the last year of whether or not to post our little angel Brylee Stella’s story. Not only a story but a memory that runs through my head over and over will every day; that I’m sure for the rest of our lives. Some days it still doesn’t seem real. How do you carry a perfect baby girl for nine months, but not get to take her home? Pregnancy is such a blessing and struggle. I say a struggle and a blessing not only because of nursing school (which was so hard while being 8 months preg), but because we had waited and prepared for Brylee for a very very long time. It took us a very long time to get pregnant with Brylee. A year and seven months long. So we felt truly blessed when we found out we were pregnant with this sweet angel. Many days I really miss it. It was more of a comfort to me. At least when she was still in my belly I knew she was alive and safe. Looking back now there were a couple “warning signs” that you wouldn’t think of till after. I went into labor (or just started contracting severely) 3 times starting at 33ish weeks. I was given medication to stop them. Now looking back I truly believe it was my body saying something is not right, she needs to be born. It just makes you wonder if Brylee would be with us now if only we were able to have her early. We just can’t dwell on what could have been anymore. I feel now is time that I share what really happened hopefully it will help Landon and I move on. I really hope it’ll take a huge weight that has been on my chest.
This is last picture of my happy little family before our tragedy....





I was 37 weeks and 5 days pregnant when we visited our sweet Doctor Cruz I was dilated to a 4-75% effaced we had a plan that Brylee Stella was to be born Monday the 17th, 2011 by an induction, if I had not gone into labor that weekend. Everything was ready that possibly could be. We had the bag packed, a spotless home, diapers, cloths, binkies, blankets, and the car seat all hooked up and ready to hall our precious baby girl home. Mom thankfully decided to come up Saturday just to make sure everything was ready to go. I had just not felt well and lay around all day. Until about an hour before my mom arrived. Landon convinced me to shower and get ready he was going to take us to the movie when my mom got to Powell. I had started contracting about every 10-12 minutes while getting ready, but it was so common by then I just ignored the pain. Mom arrived YAY! We headed to Cody for dinner and to see the movie True Grit, which I actually enjoyed between the contractions now coming every seven minutes. After the movie we decided to walk around Wal-Mart (literally the only thing in Cody). We bought some treats and movies. I remember telling Landon I really think she’s coming tonight. We went home where Mom and I crocheted around receiving blankets, burp cloths, and bibs that mom had brought. We had told Landon to go to bed to get some rest just in case I decided we needed to go. The contractions were coming closer and closer together. I remember texting Dad and him saying Shauna don’t wait too long. My nursing perspective was oh labor at home. It’ll be ok. Well at 2:00 a.m. I decided it was time. I woke up Landon he was a MESS running all over the place. We were both So Excited! We finally left at 2:30 the contraction were only about 2-3 minutes apart. Landon made fun of me the whole way to Cody. I was fixing my hair and makeup. Many of you that know me wouldn’t find this surprising, but it did help to take my mind of the contractions.


We got to the hospital, was all checked in, and taken to our room where we’d welcome our little one to the world. Our nurse checked me and really had not progressed, which was so upsetting. I just couldn’t figure out why I was contracting so bad so often and not dilating? The Nurse decided to print out a couple strips of contractions to show Doctor Cruz. Not too long after the baby’s heat rate was not looking to good. Another nurse rushed in and put an IV in my hand. Right after Doctor Cruz came and checked me. Since I was not progressing and Brylee’s heart rate was terrible we decided an emergent C-section should take place. The baby’s heart rate looked even worse and Doctor Cruz did a very fast Ultra Sound where the baby’s heart rate was either extremely bad or was not showing at all, because right after it was a crazy rush. Next thing I know the nurses and Landon were pushing back into a really bright room. I remember looking up at Landon when were going through the double doors. He couldn’t go any further. Landon told me he loved me, and Brylee kicked me really hard right then as if she was telling us goodbye. I was transferred to another bed. I felt overwhelmed it was seriously a mad house. Nurses were running everywhere not finding what they needed. Doctor Cruz put several shots of lidocaine I believe in the bottom of my stomach, and she began cutting. It was the worst pain I’ve ever had in my entire life. I remember her making 3 slits when I really just couldn’t handle it anymore. I hate myself and always will for not being able to take the pain. It seemed like an eternity when the anesthesiologist finally arrived, and knocked me out… When they finally woke me up I looked up to see Landon crying saying she didn’t make it. I totally lost it.
Brylee Stella Harris
Was born January 16, 2011
In Cody, Wyoming at the West Park Hospital
At 4:50 a.m. weighing 7lbs 2 ½ ounces
19 ½ inches long


Brylee’s cord had wrapped around her neck and tightened during her decent down the birth canal cutting off her oxygen supply. A few weeks later we also found out that I had a stage 3 placental infection.

The nurse brought Landon and I this beautiful little angel; a little baby girl that looked just like me. She looked as if she was just sleeping so peacefully. Brylee was so tiny with blonde hair on the top of her head that got darker as it went down. Landon and I held her so tightly that I had forgotten how much pain I was in for the C-section. We just starred at her. Memorizing her little body too never forget this precious child that we had made together that was taken to soon.